bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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