Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
