Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
