is your mom at the bar?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
