I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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