It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
