yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
