his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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