is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
