ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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