so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
