There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
