i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
