i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Enjoy the penises
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
