yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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