He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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