I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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