I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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