dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
