He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
