I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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