well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
