i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
