I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
