arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
