It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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