he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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