I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
