I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
