We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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