new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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