We're like a lot better than the average bears
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
