Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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