3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
