ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
