I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
