What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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