You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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