I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
