the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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