I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
