She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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