i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
