He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
