we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize