Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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