arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
