Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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