hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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