i already hear my dad disowning me
just tell him i said nine months
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
