yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
