My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
